Have you ever heard of the saying, “you need to love yourself first before loving others?” I know it sounds cliche, but it’s probably one of the realest quotes I’ve ever heard.
When’s the last time you woke up, looked in the mirror, and loved looking at the person in the reflection? When was the last time you didn’t search for a flaw in yourself or said something negative about the way you look? Or how about the last time you didn’t compare your life to someone else’s?
It took me years to honestly love myself the way I needed to be loved. I tolerated so much b.s. that would have you thinking, “girl, are you okay?” I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t in love with myself. I put up with a lot of nonsense because I didn’t think I’d ever do better or could ever do better. I remember an ex telling me that I’d never leave him because I would not find better than him. I believed him. I stayed in that failing relationship all because I did not love myself enough to know that I deserved the world. I’m still learning to love myself. I still have a ways to go, but since we’re living in unprecedented times, it’s easier to appreciate the little things about yourself.
Here are a few things I do whenever I’m feeling down or doubting myself at all.
1.) Daily Affirmations: Why not start your day off with some daily reminders that you are that chick or that guy? By starting off each sentence with “I am,” you are affirming you ARE what you live by. For example: I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am on the journey to greatness. I am healthy.
When you already declare your statement is in fact already in existence, you begin to feel good about yourself. You could write post-it notes and paste them on your bathroom mirror or anywhere convenient in your home, so whenever you find yourself feeling down, you have them there to remind you of the great person you are. You can also record yourself saying them and recite them.
2.) Taking Breaks From Social Media: "I wish I had that car." "I wish my body looked like that." "I want that job." "They look so cute together. Why am I still single?" Do any of these statements resonate with you? If so, it's time to take a break from scrolling that news feed. I think many of us can agree that social media can be draining. Even if we don't think we are, we sometimes tend to compare our lives to others. I remember talking to a friend one day - well venting - and he said something to me that stuck in my mind like glue. He said, and I quote, "Some people are more in love with their social media self than who they are in real life." Read that again. "Some people are more in love with their social media self than who they are in real life." Whew. He was right. People are fixated on making themselves look like they are living their best life when in actuality, they are fighting demons they would never want anyone to know about. So the next time you call yourself getting jealous of something someone else has or is doing, DON'T. Take that break, refresh, and come back when it isn't consuming you.
3.) Taking Care of Your Mind, Body, and Soul: A little self-care never hurt nobody, and it sure as heck won't hurt you. Pray. Meditate. Do some yoga. Take a walk. Sit in nature. Read. When you look good, you feel good. Do your make-up. Get your hair done. Get a hair-cut. Do your nails. Put on that dress that's been sitting in your closet. Do it for you.
4.) Appreciate What You Already Have: We tend to focus on what we don't have instead of being grateful for what we already do. My mom always used to tell me that there is someone out there who wishes they had the things you do - unfortunately. Mama is always right. So whenever you hear yourself saying, "I wish I lived in a house instead of an apartment," show gratitude by being thankful you have a roof over your head. Trust me, it makes a huge difference in the way you perceive life.
5.) Saying "NO!" : Say it and mean it. I've been a "yes" woman for years. I was afraid and "felt bad" for telling someone I love or care about no because I thought I would be hurting them. When in reality, I was only hurting myself. By continuously being the person everyone relied on was mentally and emotionally draining. I was saying "yes" to things I did not want to do and people knew that they could always come to me for anything. It took me a while to accept that it was okay to say “NO,” and mean it. People will use you up and never speak to you again or only come around when they need something from you. How selfish of them right? Now it's time to be stingy with YOU. Your time. Your space. Your heart. Fall in love with being greedy with yourself.
I want you all to love the person you are and the person you are becoming. There’s so many different layers of yourself yet to be discovered. Just think about it. How can you expect others to love you if you don’t even love yourself yet?
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