Here's Why Sometimes You Don't Get Closure

The first thing a person wants to hear after their partner breaks their heart is, "I'm sorry." They want to know why their relationship ended or why their partner cheated. They are hopeful that they may get back together. There are literally so many scenarios that can run through their mind. This might even be you. You may be sitting at home, work, school, or wherever and hurting because the person you thought was your forever is now your ex. It hurts, I know. You're probably constantly looking at your phone waiting to receive that text or call. Scrolling through their social media accounts looking for something - anything -vthat might reveal why they did what they did. This has become your hourly routine. I get it; I’'ve been there.

I remember nearly having a mental breakdown when my ex broke up with me. Did I mention he ended things over the phone? Yeah, it sucked. He told me he needed to "work on himself" and I did too. Little did I know "working on himself" involved entering a relationship with another woman. He never told me he was sorry. He never gave me a reason why he wanted to end things. There was no explanation. Until this day, there has yet to be an apology or any clear clarification as to why he did what he did. I yearned for that apology. I deserved it. I was good to him, at least I thought I was. But, to be honest, I am okay with it, now. If you are reading this currently waiting for him or her to send that text, unfortunately, it may not come.

Here's why...

-You may not ever get that apology because your ex might not see anything wrong with their actions. In their mind, they could believe that if they've accepted that the relationship is over, then you should too. Until a person fully acknowledges the part they played in whatever went wrong, there won't be a text coming.

-They've moved on. Whether "moving on" includes being in another relationship or not wanting to be in one at all, when a person doesn't 'plan' on speaking to or seeing you again, they go cold turkey.

-They don't know what to say. When a person knows they hurt you, they are hesitant to reach out because they don't know how you might react. They probably think you can't stand them and the last thing they want to do is get cursed out.

-They're out there living their best life. If you see them constantly posting on their social media about them out having the time of their lives, they probably are. When a person thinks their relationship was a burden and holding them back from being themselves, the first thing they want to do is any and everything they couldn't when they were with you. You might see them with other girls or guys. They might be spending more time with their friends way more than you've seen them do before. Don't be surprised on what might pop up as you lurk.

You might wonder, well what should I do if I don't get closure?

I can't tell you what to do, but I will tell you what I did... I became the best version of myself and healed on my own. I realized that my happiness wasn’t defined by who is in my life, but within me. I had to find myself and accept that healing starts with me. It is no one's responsibility to make me happy and whole. I am in charge of my journey. My happiness and well-being isn't defined by the actions of others. The only closure I needed was in myself. I had to think about why I let another person negatively affect me the way they did; why did I stop taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Once you get right with yourself, you won't need that apology; you won't need to know why things happened the way they did. We're human. Of course we want the person we were in love with to acknowledge the part they played in the breakup. I get that, but I also want you to be okay without it. You've got this! I believe in you.