Do's & Don'ts When Your Friend Is Healing

Friendship is priceless. Having good friends in your corner is one of the biggest blessings, aka the biggest flex, one can have - especially when healing from a break-up. Breaking up with a significant other is devastating, and can cause many to enter depression and negatively affect one’s mental health. Those who are experiencing a heartbreak may be feeling a range of emotions. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. It can become extremely difficult to manage these feelings, and while some may isolate themselves from the world, others really rely on the people around them to help them cope.

This is where you come in. I know we all might be adults and dealing with our own problems and may be thinking there isn't much you could do when your friend is hurting, but I beg to differ. There are plenty of ways to be the support system they need. Simply being an ear to listen or bringing them their favorite food is effective. While every friendship is different and you may be jumping for joy because your friend just ended their tumultuous relationship, we still have to keep in mind that no matter what our opinion is, at that moment it doesn't matter. All that matters is being there for them when they feel like their world is falling apart. Now don't get me wrong; I know we are all human with opinions and sometimes we don't necessarily realize that our words can come off as being inconsiderate or harsh.

I've compiled a list of do's and don'ts when you are dealing with a friend who is currently healing.

DO: Be an ear to listen. Let them vent. Let them get out all that pain and thoughts they are harboring.

DON'T: Be so opinionated on the matter. Yes, we all have our opinions and YES you might hold the strong opinion that their ex wasn't sh*t and you are ecstatic that they are broken up, but they definitely do not want to hear that.

DO: Encourage them to seek professional help if you see their mental health declining especially if they are not eating, sleeping too much or not enough, or thinking negative thoughts that concern you. 

DON'T: Call them crazy or comment on how their ex treated them. 

DO: Speak life into them. Give them encouraging words of advice and let them know that this pain won't last forever.

DON'T: Tell them to find a new partner and that there are “plenty of fish in the sea.” Right now, the only thing they are focused on is probably what went wrong in their relationship. A new relationship isn't their primary focus.

DO: Try to get them out of the house, even if it's a walk down the street. When our heart is broken the only thing we want to see is our bed. Getting some fresh air and sunlight is highly recommended. 

DON'T: Update them on what their ex is posting on social media. If they are in another relationship or flirting with other girls or guys, please refrain from telling them. They might have already seen it and probably feel embarrassed and even more hurt.

DO: Share personal experiences with heartbreak and how you coped or are coping with it. Sometimes hearing they are not alone and that you were able to overcome your pain will give them hope. Depending on the length of friendship and how close the two of you are, they probably already know what you've been through. Giving them a reminder of how you persevered and are still standing can serve as motivation for them.

DON'T: Get frustrated with them if they bring up their ex in conversation often. Breakups can leave people feeling a range of emotions. They might seek reassurance and validation from those around them, especially if their breakup was due to infidelity.

Remember, everyone's healing journey is different and while you may have started feeling like yourself relatively soon, for others, it might take some time. You are doing the best you can and I am certain your friend is super grateful.